remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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