I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
