I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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