you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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