I love black thongs
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
