so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
