My pussy is not your playground.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
