i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize