you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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