I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
