Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
