it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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