ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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