THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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