i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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