This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
