just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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