its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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