Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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