I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
