Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
