i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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