Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.