i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dating After Heartbreak
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome