Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.