highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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