If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️