even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
