I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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