im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
