just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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