is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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