i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
