We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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