when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
