i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
