what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
