Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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