The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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