found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
