I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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