My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
