my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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