His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
