There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
