we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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