I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
