I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
