Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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