Michael Bay diarrhea
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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