you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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