Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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