Will you blow on my dice?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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