You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
