By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
