I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
