Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
