Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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