So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
