she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
