My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
