you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
