Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
