It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
