So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
