toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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